Chapter by Chapter

THE POWER OF ADDICTED LOVE, Written by Teresa Hamilton

Codependence has often been considered one of those “made-up” terms to describe an uncomfortable circumstance as if it were a “real” condition. In her autobiography, Teresa Hamilton reveals just how real codependency can be. As she struggles through life-threatening situations with her alcoholic, drug addicted and often violent husband, we’re drawn to yell, “Get out of there!”…but she can’t. She is as addicted as her husband, not to drugs, but to “make it work.” This is the very real condition of a codependent…addicted to being needed to fix things. Teresa’s story is told in frank detail, taking us through the emotions she felt while being ignored, cheated and abused and while being greatly helped by strangers she calls “angels,” at the points of greatest desperation. Her story gives us hope that, regardless of circumstances we can recover from addiction to our “dream life,” just like Teresa. For the next several weeks, we’ll review the book, chapter-by-chapter. Get your copy now, so you can follow along.

Key Features In The Power Of Addicted Love, Chapter 1, The Stage Is Set:
•9 month marriage
•Thyroid cancer
•Single Mom
•Meeting Greg-a nice man
•Greg persistent
•Starting 14 years of Hell
Teresa sets the stage well, describing her first, failed marriage and single motherhood afterward. As with most single parents, there is a drive to find another parent for their child. Her bout with cancer had to add more urgency to provide another parent for her child. This is a perfect opportunity for abuse by someone who needs to be taken care of. It’s clear Greg was manipulating right in the beginning from our perspective, but Teresa didn’t have the luxury of hindsight. She had a seemingly nice man who wanted a relationship with her

•Greg Divorced twice, with 3 kids
•Dating In Bars
•Fictitious Past
•The Proposal
•The Red Flags
Teresa describes the signs of bad things to come which she had ignored at the time. I found myself baffled that anyone would be so silly as to make up outlandish and inflated stories about themselves, but then I’m reminded of my drug days when I did the same on a smaller scale…just didn’t have Greg’s courage or imagination, I guess

•The Sugar Cube Engagement Ring
•Always Gone In The Evening
•Mood Swings
•Drinking Buddies
•Four Hours To The Corner Store
•Early Morning Drug Deal
•One Week In Rehab
In chapter 3, Teresa reveals how the real Greg was becoming apparent, even to her. She also reveals how little self-esteem she must have had to look the other way and even to make excuses for him. Her codependency is beginning to establish itself in her life as his addictions become more evident.

•Monster In The Basement
•Teresa In Denial
•Left to Freeze In Car
•Spiders On The Wall
•Addicted To An Addict
•Bank Account Drained
•Deadbeat Dad
•Moving Out Of State
At this point in the book, I began wanting to yell at Teresa to end this relationship before it ended her. I’ve counseled people like Teresa and Greg (unsuccessfully), so this may add to my frustration over her inability to see just how pointless it was for her to try to fix Greg. Unfortunately, the biggest lie an addict ever tells is the one they tell themselves. For Greg, it was, “I don’t have a problem.” For Teresa, it was, “I can make this work.” For me, this chapter is just where the desire to yell began. My desire steadily increased as their situation became more bizarre and dangerous, chapter-by-chapter.

•Pregnant With No Furniture
•Pregnant And Moving
•Car Repossessed
•Back In NY
•The 5 Minute Wedding
•Greg’s Best Friend Died
Teresa’s compassion for Greg is made clear in this chapter. Although his antics have left her pregnant, with no furniture and no transportation, she still spends a great deal of time describing the emotional upheaval Greg experienced through the death of his best friend. This chapter does a good job of explaining why codependency is often referred to as an addiction to love. She cares so deeply about her husband she will endure great pain and hardship to herself and still be more concerned over his feelings than her own. Some codependents, not Teresa, will sabotage the recovery of the person they love so they can continue to be able to show that “love” by fulfilling the person’s needs.

•Out Of State Training
•Bus Trip From Hell
•Stealing Heat
•Granny Ill
•Drug Binge In Hotel
•Gone 2 days
•One Month Rehab-Back On Drugs
•Truck repossessed
•Lowering Standards
In the abusive relationships I’ve had in the past, I would tolerate almost anything for a time to help someone or to maintain the relationship. Still, there would be a tipping point where it was over…done…and there was nothing that person could do to recapture me after that point. When I see the stuff Greg put Teresa through, I can only identify to a point because I’ve never been addicted to helping someone. This chapter is already well past my tipping point.

•Greg Adopts Sara
•Mystery Christmas Gift
•Out Of State Training
•Card From Pam
•Just A Friend…right!
•Telephone Monitor
We are beginning to get a clue just how imprisoning codependency can be. With all the signs of an affair, Teresa seems to just let things go. The monitor, though, was a great idea. Teresa wrote, “…no matter what happened, I had to make sure I didn’t fail.” That kinda’ sums the chapter up.

•Planning A Binge
•Using Needles
•AIDS Test For Teresa
•It Is An Affair
•Depression For Teresa
•Greg Fired-Drug Test
•Emergency Surgery
•Four Days In Hospital…No Greg
We’ve all heard of the “emotionally unavailable” husband, but it’s clear Greg is unavailable, period. This chapter nails the Power Of Addicted Love by showing that Teresa would tolerate anything rather than accept failure in this relationship. Threat to life, Greg’s affair, drug binges, Greg fired, yet not around when she needed him most. Still, she keeps trying to make it work.

•Moving To Phoenix
•Believing Lies & Making Excuses
•Nowhere To Live
•Home & Mortgage-Being “Bought Off”
•Ms. Activity
•Druggie comes To Visit
•Teresa’s Food Addiction
Like any other addiction, codependency will have negative effects on your health. Teresa’s food addiction is probably due to her repeated belief in a lie and denial of her own worth. The idea that a home purchase could change things was rather silly. Still, Teresa aptly shows us what codependency is all about.

•Lonely Together
•Beat Up For Cigarette Money
•Filed For Divorce But Staying At House
•Time To Discuss It?
•Denial Over Divorce
•Pregnant & Pregnant Again
•Divorce Cancelled
•Battered and Flattered
In chapter 10, the heat gets turned up on Teresa’s codependency. Just when you think things can’t get worse…they do. We’re left wondering what kind of man would do these things and what kind of woman would put up with it. In both cases, it’s the addicted kind.

•Kathy, The Ex
•Pregnant, Kicked In Stomach
•Old Fat Woman
•Can’t Tell Me How To Think
•Greg, Showering For Auto Parts Store
Teresa continues to amaze me, just how much she will put up with in order to make this disaster of a relationship work. I’ve counseled a lot of people in desperate circumstances but have never come across anyone willing to tolerate this kind of treatment. Codependency is clearly as serious as any other addiction. It is not just a made-up condition.

•Still Living On Handouts,
•Shattered Plate On Head
•Fighting Calmed Down
•Kicked Out Without Clothes/Purse
•Police Couldn’t Help
•Shelter Closed
•Angel Drives A Cab
•Teresa Returned?
Imagine being on the street without an I.D. and few clothes on your back…no help…no place to sleep…no money…no food…5 kids. Imagine going back to the person who did this to you. You’ve just imagined codependency.

•Irrational Hope
•Greg Fired Again
•No Longer Cared
•From Dreaming To Planning
•Parents Help Her Leave
•Taking Control
•Greg Not Upset
Teresa writes that hope is what kept her returning to Greg, but this is the irrational hope of an addict, saying, “maybe if I keep doing what I’ve been doing I’ll get better results.” Finally, Teresa seems to get it that Greg will never give her or the children the respect and love they deserve…he’s hollowed himself out and there’s nothing left. Things look up as Teresa finally leaves.

•Needing Work Clothes
•Hotel Manager
•Real Estate
•Confidence Back
•Greg Has New Girl, In AA
•Teresa Returns To Greg
•Lose House
•Girlfriend Pregnant
Just shoot me now! I can’t take it any more. What was Teresa thinking after finally being out, on her own, paying her own way, then returning to Greg. Any rationalization will do for an addict. For Teresa, it was Greg finally quitting drugs and alcohol. Teresa write, “I believe life is about the choices we make, but it isn’t about the choices other people make for us.” Who is choosing for you?

•A New Home In Denial
•Supporting Greg’s Other Kids
•Forget And Forgive
•Car Business
•Back To Reality
•Apart Together
It’s amazing how well Teresa helps us enter into her codependency. She made me feel for a few pages as if things would actually work out for them…as if, somehow, here hope would be rewarded. Then, just as she experienced…the stage shifts yet, again.

•Giving Up Again
•Living Separate
•Waiting For The Other Shoe
•Greg Bailed On The Dream Honeymoon
•The Dry Drunk
We’re taken through the hopelessness of their relationship in this chapter. Though Greg stays sober, the time he used to spend with drugs and alcohol he now spends at meetings. He still hasn’t got that he’s supposed to be part of a family. Teresa’s starting to get that he never will.

•Facing A Huge Mistake
•Won’t Let Her Go
•Escape Plan
•Law Suit
•Forgery And Fraud
•An Affair…So What?
•Sneaking Out
Teresa, in fear for her daughters and her own safety, makes plans and slowly sneaks things out of the house. Now, we’re presented with the danger which seems just as real even though Greg doesn’t seem to be getting high. A nail-biting chapter

•Moving With Greg Home
•Teresa’s Lawyer
•Singles Website
•Greg Seeking Singles
•Teresa Emotionally Freed
•”God Was Watching Over Me.”
•College & Work
•Set Up And Stood Up
“It’s not about the mistakes we make in life, more importantly, it’s about the lessons we learn from those mistakes.” This statement by Teresa serves as an inspiration to us all. By sharing her mistakes, she gives us all hope.

•Laying Relationship Bricks
•Learn To Love Each Other
•Meet Goals But Don’t Sacrifice Values
•God’s Plan…Use My Pain To Heal Others
Teresa shares the big lessons she learned from her experience with Greg, which she says she would not trade. This chapter is worth the whole book. One of the biggest lessons she learned is how to sense her own needs and take care of them. A must read.

•Man Of Her Dreams
•Dream Home
•Tight Quarters
•Blushing Bride
•Dream Wedding
•Going To The Chapel
•Dream Life…Finally
If anyone deserves a dream life, it’s Teresa Hamilton. She led us on a 14-year tour of her addiction to codependency. The trip was full of danger and intrigue, heartbreak and happy endings. I was brought to tears a couple times, while living through the struggles she documented so well. This book is well worth the money and the time to read. Thank you, Teresa, for sharing your story.;qid=1386422467&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+addicted+LOVE

FIND ME ON TWITTER @teresascreative


About mylilsaab

Author: The Power of Addicted Love
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